Tools for Overcoming Substance & Behavioral Addictions | Ryan Soave

Ryan discovered yoga nidra through an ashram and integrated it into his addiction treatment centers after witnessing its profound effects. He describes a client who was overwhelmed by parenting; after practicing twice daily for months, she felt her children had 'changed,' though Ryan attributes the shift to her increased capacity to tolerate distress. Andrew learned the practice from Ryan and renamed it NSDR to broaden its appeal. He notes that it's the first thing clients do each morning in Ryan's program, even those with severe PTSD. Andrew personally uses NSDR and finds it makes other practices like short meditations easier. He explains that the practice is like 'going to the gym for your mind,' building the ability to press on the parasympathetic side of the autonomic seesaw even when the hinge is tight from stress.

Andrew and Ryan discuss cold plunge as a proactive tool that allows people to experience discomfort in a controlled setting. Ryan notes that when friends try his cold plunge for the first time, they often panic, even though the water isn't dangerous. This mirrors how people react to emotional discomfort as if it were a threat. By repeatedly facing the cold and learning to breathe through it, individuals build a reference experience: 'I can handle this.' Andrew adds the neuroscience: the 20-second window after adrenaline hits is critical; if you can ride it out, your forebrain comes back online and you can make strategic decisions. This training translates to moments like receiving a stressful text, where the impulse is to react immediately. The cold plunge becomes a gym for the mind, not an end in itself.

Ryan emphasizes that the quickest way to activate the parasympathetic nervous system is through breath, specifically long exhales. He suggests that even seven conscious breaths can interrupt a reactive cycle. Andrew has popularized the 'physiological sigh' on his podcast. Ryan notes that this can be used as a reactive tool when you notice you're in a stress response, but also as a scheduled proactive practice to build the habit. The goal is not to eliminate stress but to recover more quickly. Andrew ties this to the concept of 'greasing the groove'—practicing small interventions throughout the day builds overall emotional fitness.

Ryan and Andrew discuss the history and effectiveness of 12-step programs. Ryan notes that alcohol is only mentioned in the first step; the rest is a design for living. He shares the story of Bill Wilson, who, instead of going to the bar, made a phone call to help another alcoholic, which led to the founding of AA. Andrew mentions a Stanford study that found 12-step programs effective, even for skeptical researchers. Ryan emphasizes that meetings are not depressing basements but places of humor and hope. He advises trying six different meetings to find a good fit. For those without resources for therapy or treatment, 12-step is a free, 24/7 available option. Andrew adds that open meetings allow family members to attend and learn.

Ryan explains that most daily stressors (a difficult text, a disagreement) are not life-threatening, yet our nervous system reacts as if they are. By asking this question, we remind ourselves that we are safe, which can break the cycle of reactivity. He notes that if you can even ask the question, the answer is probably no. Andrew adds that the first 20 seconds of an adrenaline surge are critical; this question can help bridge that gap. The technique is simple but requires the proactive building of distress tolerance through practices like cold plunge and NSDR to be effective in real time.

Ryan explains that when people experience discomfort or pain, they seek immediate relief. The addictive substance or behavior becomes 'medicine' for that distress. He quotes Dr. Silkworth, who said, 'Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. I believe that effect is relief.' Thus, the question becomes: what are they seeking relief from? This reframing is crucial because simply removing the substance without addressing the underlying stressor leaves the person without their coping tool, often making them feel worse. Andrew ties this to the dopamine dynamics described in 'Dopamine Nation,' where the pursuit of relief becomes a cycle of diminishing returns. Ryan adds that the addiction itself can become a new trauma, creating a perpetual cycle of trauma, stress, and addiction.