Why an Olympic medal was suffering for her? Maria Andrejczyk

Andrejczyk found Paweł after a period of complete confusion in Finland – she felt no emotions, did not recognize herself. She started listening to a lot of podcasts and reading until she came across Inner War Saga. Despite internal resistance ('what kind of ideas, some hypnosis?'), the first session changed her perspective. She describes it not as pendulum swinging, but as controlled relaxation and work with body and mind. She understood that what she was experiencing was the effect of accumulated programs, not her identity. Hypnosis also helped her accept injuries – she stopped being so afraid for her shoulder, which paradoxically reduced the risk of further injuries, because emotional tension stopped tightening her muscles. She emphasizes that Paweł did not pretend to be all-knowing and could admit his mistakes, which gave her a sense of partnership, not another authoritarian coach. When she noticed she was heading towards social isolation and focusing only on herself, she deliberately ended the collaboration to regain balance.

In Paris, she had a fever, an anesthetized ankle joint, and stomach problems after painkillers. Despite this, she knew she had to compete. She asked the coach: 'let the coach feed me the biggest bullshit, that the arm is working great, that the leg is working great, that the coach has never seen such a dynamic leg'. The coach immediately took it up and played the same role. She, having in the back of her mind that it was a game, created in herself the conviction that she was ready. She says that if she had told the truth, it would have been 'the end', and this way she gave herself a chance. This strategy works for her because she already has a developed technique on automatism – the body knows what to do, even when the head tries to sabotage. However, she admits that it does not eliminate pain or fear, only creates a parallel narrative that wins over the inner critic.

Andrejczyk recounts that her nervous system fell apart at one point – she slept 2-3 hours a day, hormones could not be stabilized. This led to depression. Today she knows that her body gives signals before it gets to that point. Cravings are key: 'when I already feel internally that I am heading towards such dietary needs, that I would like something sweet to eat or something awesomely salty fatty, then I already know that I am starting to overheat, that there is already too much of something'. Earlier she would not have had such awareness, she would simply have kept going. Now she listens and skips one training session, goes to the sauna. She treats the sauna as a form of active recovery, which is also a load, but relaxes differently. Thanks to this, she avoids entering the spiral of overfatigue again.

After realizing that she was heading towards narcissism and losing gratitude, she decided to return to Christian values, but in a new, mature way. She understood that being good to others gives her more satisfaction than chasing another result. She recounts a story from the gym, where she helped a girl with a lock – it turned out that the girl was having a terrible time, and this small help 'saved her day'. This made Andrejczyk feel 'super'. She says that for her it is proof that grand gestures are not needed – even 'good morning' can give a positive shot. In this way, she daily builds a sense of meaning outside sport and reduces pressure, because her worth stops depending solely on the throw.

Earlier, Andrejczyk coped with emotions unskillfully – her strategy was to suppress them and pretend to be strong. This led to insomnia, anxiety states, and eventually depression. From Paweł she learned not to fight intrusive thoughts, but to let them be, which paradoxically weakens their impact. She says: 'when some negative thought comes – no, no, no, no, don't run away from it'. She knows that now even if they appear, she does not have to succumb to them. This corresponds to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques, although she does not use that name. Thanks to this, she can function despite the large emotional load that accompanies her daily.

Andrejczyk says that earlier she had no permission to be an individual – her identity was limited to being a 'professional athlete'. She could not afford any other thought besides how to throw further. She says: 'you don't need to push me, I will push myself'. This pressure from outside and inside led to the moment when 'all the contacts overheated' and she lost the strength to live. Only after the breakdown did she start learning to rest and trust that with less control she could achieve more. She understood that her previous model – constant tension and obsessive planning – led to injuries, because the body could not withstand it when she crossed limits. She observed that many of her injuries appeared exactly when she reached maximum loads, and poorly chosen exercises or bad technique increased overloads. Now she learns to find the 'golden mean' between hardcore gritting of teeth and excessive looseness. The concrete change is the ability to read signals from the body – e.g., when she craves sweet or salty, she recognizes that the system is overheating and it's time to rest, go to the sauna, and not add more training sessions.

After the first session with Paweł from Inner War Saga, she realized that it was a process she knew – deep relaxation, focus on the 'here and now', similar to mindfulness. The key was evoking those emotions that bothered her and recalling situations where something in her 'was failing'. Hypnosis was not a magic wave, but gave her a strong stimulus for change and greater self-confidence, even 'a bit of cockiness'. She emphasizes that it is not like after a few sessions you are 'like a robot' – the process continues all the time. Thanks to this, she understood why she could not develop and what was holding her back. The collaboration lasted several years, but at one point she felt she needed different stimuli and ended it. She admits that hypnosis helped her accept the fact that it will not be perfect and that she can let go of control, which directly affected her health and results.

Andrejczyk emphasizes that for her hypnosis was not entering occultism, but a form of psychological help – 'I was not looking for God there, I wanted to help myself'. Despite this, the internal conviction of contradiction with faith created discomfort and guilt. Conversations with Father Jacek helped her understand that if she truly believed, she would seek help in God. She started to feel that hypnosis and focusing on herself pushed her towards narcissism – 'I started to get a bit lost as a person, my priorities and values started to change'. She stopped because she did not want to go that way. She understood that the practice of gratitude, prayer, and small good deeds (like helping a girl with a lock at the gym) gives her a lasting sense of peace and meaning. She says that being a believer helps her be good to others and herself, and not just strive for success.

In Paris, Andrejczyk knew that if she allowed herself the thought 'it hurts, I can't make it', she would lose everything. She consciously asked the coach to tell her that the arm and leg were working perfectly, even though she could not feel the leg. She calls it 'playing the mask' – partly internal, partly external. She notes that although self-confidence is partly a grounded trait, at the start she puts on an additional acting layer. If she had admitted weakness, she would have been 'another one who complains and makes excuses'. She understands that in zero-one sport, no one forgives, and the public would have taken it as an excuse anyway. This tactic allowed her to approach the competition with the belief that she could still achieve something – and she considers it better than giving up.

During a conference where she was translating, Don Babbitt presented charts of research on the development of results in women's and men's throwing events. It turned out that the peak of the best results in female javelin throwers falls around the age of 30. For Andrejczyk, it was a moment of epiphany – 'Jesus, really?'. She knew she could be an exception to the rule, but she gained an argument that perhaps her entire path so far (injuries, mental crises) is a stage of gathering experience, and the physical peak is still ahead of her. She emphasizes that mental maturity and understanding herself can give an advantage that a young, uninjured body without a developed mind does not provide. This gave her fuel not to end her career and to plan a start in Los Angeles 2028.